Sneaky Noob Rant

-Author: Sneaky Noob 

    Within the spacelanes of New Eden, the capusuleer has created his own argot to rapidly express him/herself. As in any society, of particular interest are the very particular insults pilots cast at each other thru the vast emptiness of space: Carebear, Griefer, Noob and Pirate are among the more common slanders one can encounter.

     My personal favorite is “Killmail Whore”. Denoting an individual that has mastered getting on every single possible killmail without contributing anything significant to the engagement, Killmail Whores are, in my humble opinion, the epitomy of piss-poor PvPers obsessed with silly stats in a universe already overflowing with meaningless numbers. They are the bane of any organized fleet, a weak link and a bad apple waiting to fuck up a well organized fleet, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

     Why so much anger Sneaky? What’s so bad about a couple douchetards whoring on to a couple killmails? In a nutshell: Everything. In the small-gang environment that is Factional Warfare a fleet needs all of the potential damage on the primary targets. If one person thinks “hey lookit dat ship over there, ima gonna pewpew it so I can haz killmail” it can mean five, ten or even twenty percent of your fleet’s damage is NOT being assigned to the primary target.

     The worst part is that since the killmail whore is getting on more and more kills, he/she/it feels he is all the better for it, and the retards that abound in the militias start treating them with respect. More people start imitating this behavior and before you know it, you have a fleet of killmail whores that get beaten in fleet engagements time and time again (hello Minmatar EU TZ). That said, there is some killmail whoring that is semi-acceptable. Logistics pilots often fit some sort of offensive module or drones on their ship in order to get on killmails. Battleship pilots often assign drones to fast tackle ships to add some versatility to the fleet, giving the smaller more agile ships added punch. Tagging multiple targets and/or pods at the end of an engagement where your fleet has emerged victorious is another common and for the most part, harmless form of killmail whoring. And then there are people that have taken killmail whoring and turned it into an art, whoring on to killmails from over 200kms away.

     There are a couple of ways one can distinguish a killmail whore and his ship. The most common “tell” is an abundance of sensor boosters. These mid-slot modules permit fast locking on targets far out of weapons optimal range, facilitating the killmail whoreage. Signal Amplifiers and Targeting Range Rigs are also clear indications of a killmail whore. Another common characteristic is ungrouped guns and having different ammunition types loaded. Common behaviors of killmail whores include refusing to attack targets with the intent of forcing them into a larger friendly fleet, a chronic inability to attack unless backup is ready to save him/her and their useless whore ship and a general lack of backbone.

     What should be done with killmail whores you ask?

     Don’t fleet them.

     Or kill them and mock their terribad sebo-sniper-whoreship until they ragequit.