Kill a reptile as a bird of paradise flies right up your ass?


Last week my region was hit by a huge snowstorm, which is somewhat uncommon for where I live. Like any good gamer, I stocked up on supplies (chips & soda! lol) and bought a new game to overdose on while the South closed down for days.

Two of my corp-mates were already playing DayZ, and after watching some game-play on YouTube, I bought it off of Steam and convinced a couple of more people to try it out with me.

Though it is in early alpha still, it is so worth buying. If you love the dark brutality of EVE, you’ll love DayZ. It takes place during a zombie apocalypse, and you start out with nothing but a flashlight. The game forces you to survive, or die. You have to keep moving to find food, water, and weapons. Without them, you will starve to death or be slaughtered by zombies.

But the best part is the player killing. As it stands now, there are no chat boxes. Players have no name tags or any way to identify them, so when you run across someone; you don’t know if they are friendly or not.

Rarely are they friendly.

The first night we were all playing together, we came across our first player running to the same town we were headed to. He wasn’t geared up and was just starting out, or newly respawned. On comms, everyone was like ‘what should we do?’ and someone else suggested letting him live. My reply was simple, “Kill him now”. We were limited on supplies and whatever he would take would be one less thing for us. My friends couldn’t believe ‘sweet little Shalee’ could be so cold hearted, to which I responded, “Someone has to make the hard decisions!”

The game is that dark and intense. Remember your early pvp days in EVE, the jittery feeling in combat? Times that by a hundred and that is DayZ. You never know who is sneaking up behind you. You never know if a sniper has you in his crosshairs.

The first time I was player killed, I was on the top floor of a building clearing it. I was coming down the steps, and he was coming up. We both stopped and looked at one another, as if surprised the other was there. Over voice comms in the game (an awesome feature, you can talk to someone who is physically close to you), we both said ‘friendly!’ and then he started to ask me a question. Before he finished, he raised his gun and killed me.

Just like that.

Over my dead body, as the screen went black, I heard him say ‘Look, I’m sorry.”

That is DayZ. Kill, or be killed.

I didn’t rage log or yell, or expect him to do anything differently. That is the game. I laughed and started allllll over.

And, that brings me to my original point of this post.

EVE is a lot like DayZ, in that there is a dark brutality to it. You’re never really safe, and you never know who has you in their ‘crosshairs’.

However, some players forget that. They get lazy. They assume too much. They think that someone owes them a safe passage. They think they can do as they please with no repercussions, and when something bad does happen, they rage in the most hilarious of ways.

Let me explain.

My corporation is based out of Egghelende, and it is a low sec system. We often have randoms coming to the station for skill books. And for whatever reason, we have people ratting in our belts.

These people die. A lot.

We have pilots who do nothing but camp our undock and snipe anything that comes in. They are good at what they do. Like, super good.

I was talking to a couple of them the other night, and they mentioned the amount of hate mail they get because of it. I giggled because it amuses me to think about grown-ass men crying over losing a fake spaceship.

I don’t get the tears. I don’t understand why someone would expect not to be hunted in low sec. I don’t understand why someone would expect a pirate not to be a pirate.

I don’t get why they act as if EVE is a safe game. It’s not, and everyone knows it.

I asked my corpies to send me a couple of their mails so that I could share them with you!

*****************************

fuuuuuuuck
From: Cerun Scolmgha
Sent: 2013.06.24 23:09
To: M3PHIST0,

youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Re: fuuuuuuuck
From: M3PHIST0
Sent: 2013.06.24 23:10
To: Cerun Scolmgha,

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1_13cPd1HcXG7JTL0oAvwyHTvW76gUobDDZ9v0vq2kAU/viewform?pli=1

Fill out our survey please, thx

Re: Re: fuuuuuuuck
From: Cerun Scolmgha
Sent: 2013.06.24 23:12
To: M3PHIST0,

You and yours are trolly, sir. I thumb my nuts at thee.

Re: Re: Re: fuuuuuuuck
From: M3PHIST0
Sent: 2013.06.24 23:13
To: Cerun Scolmgha,

Just doing my job bud, come back and visit us again soon

*************************

phew
From: Craig Bartlett
Sent: 2013.06.29 06:37
To: M3PHIST0,

I landed in your base at Egghelende last night, I got up early to try to escape just now, and I did, just…

You may all be bastards but it’s fun!

***************************

thanks
From: Scarlett Cobon-Han
Sent: 2013.07.12 00:40
To: M3PHIST0,

why dont you go to low sec and kill people u fucking jerk off, leave the people alone that are playing to have fun alone, oh that right you probably dont have the balls to do that cause then u will get pushed around.

From: M3PHIST0
Sent: 2013.07.12 00:43
To: Scarlett Cobon-Han,

Where the hell do you think you were jackass. welcome to low sec and eve. enjoy your stay

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1_13cPd1HcXG7JTL0oAvwyHTvW76gUobDDZ9v0vq2kAU/viewform?pli=1
Fill out our survey for a chance at a free clone upgrade and raffle

Re: Re: thanks
From: Scarlett Cobon-Han
Sent: 2013.07.12 00:45
To: M3PHIST0,

yeah asshole just passing through to buy something wasnt hanging out or running missions fucking jerk..people like you ruin the gaming experience for everyone.

Re: Re: Re: thanks
From: M3PHIST0
Sent: 2013.07.12 00:47
To: Scarlett Cobon-Han,

Did you read the warning the game gives you before jumping in to a low sec system. all part of the game, don’t like it, stay in high sec. Scrub

Re: Re: Re: Re: thanks
From: Scarlett Cobon-Han
Sent: 2013.07.12 00:48
To: M3PHIST0,

ur pretty tough hiding at jump gates to get ur kills…pussy

**************************

fuck u
From: OLLO LOPHAND Do’Urden
Sent: 2013.10.02 01:26
To: M3PHIST0,

I LOST EVERY THING I HAD THANKS

****************************

——————————–
Holy fuck!!!! that was quick!!!!
From: Scifinoide Xenoscopic
Sent: 2014.02.03 17:18
To: FallenDream09,

I did not see that coming….
What did you hit me with the first time?
I couldn’t move…..???

Did you get bonus for my pod?

*****************************

bitch
From: Im TheNOOB
Sent: 2013.07.31 06:57
To: M3PHIST0,

хуйло ебаное

(I tried google translate but it came up with gibberish.  However, I’m sure it’s a really good burn!)

*****************************

Kill Rights
From: Arimus Perfectus
Sent: 2013.11.17 06:04
To: M3PHIST0,

Your kill right was used
From: CONCORD
Sent: 2013.11.14 07:53

M3PHIST0 has been killed using your kill right. The kill right you had on him has now been removed.

Hope we meet 1v1 next time pussy. But hey this works just fine too. Have a nice day and may the bird of paradise fly right up your ass!

Re: Kill Rights
From: M3PHIST0
Sent: 2013.11.17 07:12
To: Arimus Perfectus,

Oh, you were that srcub fail baiting in a belt with a rapier, I remember now.
Must have been really mad about that to be mailing me for this, your tears have fueled me for another day. Thanks for the laugh ❤

Re: Re: Kill Rights
From: Arimus Perfectus
Sent: 2013.11.17 07:15
To: M3PHIST0,

Nope wasn’t mad and not now just saying what goes around comes around to those to skill less to solo kill anything, Just don’t be alone next time or better yet bring a crew. I didn’t get my medal for nothing!

Re: Re: Re: Kill Rights
From: M3PHIST0
Sent: 2013.11.17 09:27
To: Arimus Perfectus,

come on back and see us anytime, we offer free hugs.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Kill Rights
From: Arimus Perfectus
Sent: 2013.11.18 07:06
To: M3PHIST0,

You just proved my point pussies and skill less players have to run in packs because they totally suck at a game they should delete all characters and play Lotro.

***********************

From: Lacomus Wright
Sent: 2014.02.14 07:37
To: M3PHIST0,Was there any point -_-. Wanker.
******************************
see you shortly
From: Mystic Elandria
Sent: 2014.01.26 22:29
To: FallenDream09,
Re: see you shortly
From: FallenDream09
Sent: 2014.01.26 22:35
To: Mystic Elandria,
Is this a threat?
Re: Re: see you shortly
From: Mystic Elandria
Sent: 2014.01.26 23:43
To: FallenDream09,
no a promise from PL see you around son and your allies
Re: Re: Re: see you shortly
From: FallenDream09
Sent: 2014.01.26 23:46
To: Mystic Elandria,
Odd, we’re on awkwardly good relations with PL…in fact, some of their members are in this corp. goodluck to you.
Re: Re: Re: Re: see you shortly
From: Mystic Elandria
Sent: 2014.01.26 23:54
To: FallenDream09,
sure but not the top brass
seeya
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: see you shortly
From: FallenDream09
Sent: 2014.01.26 23:55
To: Mystic Elandria,
They hold titans. so yea. the top lowsec brass is where we live. have fun
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: see you shortly
From: Mystic Elandria
Sent: 2014.01.26 23:56
To: FallenDream09,
look forward to popping you
I am in PL you fuck
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: see you shortly
From: FallenDream09
Sent: 2014.01.26 23:56
To: Mystic Elandria,l
which corp?
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: see you shortly
From: Mystic Elandria
Sent: 2014.01.26 23:59
To: FallenDream09,
think before you do stupid things
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: see you shortly
From: FallenDream09
Sent: 2014.01.26 23:59
To: Mystic Elandria,
Says the guy running missions in .4 and not watching dscan.
*********************************

ввв
From: Andrei Arsten
Sent: 2014.02.08 05:47
To: M3PHIST0,

хуесос ебаный нахуй питушня ебучая

(I google translated, lols: cocksucker fucking fuck fucking pitushnya)

***********************************************

месть
From: Arheon Higaar
Sent: 2014.01.13 08:44
To: M3PHIST0,

убью гада !

(Google translate says: kill a reptile!)

One Response to “Kill a reptile as a bird of paradise flies right up your ass?”

  1. I quite enjoyed this post. Seeing the mails again just makes me laugh. Thanks Shalee ❤

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